Courtesy of The Mind Unleashed

 

Breakthrough Circle“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene

Sometimes I am really terrible to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.

On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential. There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of income, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.

 

Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.

I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.

The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.

I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.

Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.

Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.

While my self-love journey is on-going, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:

  1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.

We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.

When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.   

  1. Your mind can be a very convincing liar.

I saw a quote once that said, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.     

  1. There is more right with you than wrong with you.

This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”

As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.

  1. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.

This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before.

I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.  

  1. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.”

One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot fully feel satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are.

Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.

  1. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go.

One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that striving for success and being willing to put ourselves out there is an accomplishment within itself, regardless of how many times we fail.

Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.     

  1. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.

Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.

I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand and even if you know you want to change.

You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.

While addressing Ghana’s parliament last year, President Obama took a moment to say something to young people, telling them that the future of their nations lie in their hands:

“You have the power to hold your leaders accountable, and to build institutions that serve the people. You can serve in your communities, and harness your energy and education to create new wealth and build new connections to the world. You can conquer disease, and end conflicts, and make change from the bottom up. You can do that.”

“But these things can only be done if all of you take responsibility for your future.”

For the young people who read this blog, I want to know, do you think your generation can do all of these things?

life-of-high-adventure I guess as soon as you saw the title you immediately said ADVENTURE. But let us not kid ourselves, 90% of us are living a life of comfort in your JOB and we wonder why we are stuck in the ‘rat race.’ My dear readers, by now you have realized that a life of comfortability can only get you by; surviving day by day. You have to admit there is very gradual growth in such a life.

How about you break that cycle and venture out in the wild (BUSINESS). You can start with baby steps and as your mindset is changed, you can then start running. Honestly, personal business is scary but for a good reason. Only the strong survive. Are you one of the strong? If not, are you willing to do whatever it takes to become one?

I request you to take a step in that direction as it will eventually bring you fortune.

A few of the benefits will include:

  • reduced stress levels
  • setting your own timetable
  • setting your own targets and intentions
  • relatively steady cash flow

Until next time, thank you

Hassan

Time for some kindness

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

kindness catWe all have good intentions and always say we are kind people. How many times in a day (after seeing a needy person) do we say I should do something about this? The one mistake we always make is we never take any action. “A thousand good intentions without action amount to nothing” Hassan. Someone will say “but our company does social corporate responsibility!” We all know that is just for media attention and tax reduction. There is nothing so holy about it. If it is hard as an individual, identify a genuine organization that is really touching people and change someone’s life in any way possible. Always share your blessings. “When you give, you create room to receive more”. I am not talking about the occasional penny you throw to a beggar. You would rather give them that mineral water you just walked away with. To me, the best religions are those that encourage honest philanthropy and humility. “A single act of kindness to one heart is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer” Gandhi. Let someone say, “thank you for changing my life.” Then tell me how you feel.

Thank you and go change lives.

Hassan

Improve your presentation and leadership skills

Image  —  Posted: May 2, 2013 in Uncategorized

power youths

Image  —  Posted: March 6, 2013 in Uncategorized

dollar-bills1Every time you see this question, your face goes blank! Why? Because after decades of using lack of capital as an excuse for your brokenness, it can not work no more! Various institutions are now availing funds for entrepreneurial youths. The only requirement is clear business idea.
In this era, your most important asset is the IDEA. Grow that idea and inevitably you will find a way to make it happen, money or no money.
Always remember to:
– write it down
– break it down to specifics
– specify the stake holders and their role
– then you can think of the source of capital
See you at the top
Hassan